I miss my 2004 life badly. I’m starting to wish to be with everyone I met back then: the POKPOKS, Star Circle Batch 10 and the smell of Lord’s coffee.  I miss my mama Donna terribly, wish I could go to Davao even for a day and just pay her a visit, hear her voice telling me that everything will be all right. I miss pokpok Jonet, her never- ending funny stints and loud personality, especially her bizarre strength. I miss Janet’s chocolates, Mary’s soft voice, Mommy Rizza’s contagious laughter, Helen’s Capri pants and Mar’s smiling face. I even miss seeing kuya Germs’ gums, being greeted with Ms. Olive’s smile when she arrives, hearing kuya Anong’s unusually delightful chuckle, sir Kevin’s famous question (kumusta ka na?), and ate Lorie’s funny antics. Most of all, I miss my table (the picture you’re seeing).  I’m crying now.

Water under the bridge- I know, but I can’t help it. It has been the most wonderful, most frustrating and most scary 10 months of my life. The beauty of life was captured in that small room in the decrepit building of LRA. I was able to weather the storms and conflicts brought about by Sauron. I was able to drink beer for the first time. Most importantly, I met amusing people.

I don’t think I can find another PIO2. But I wish I could, I really do…

I’m having trouble forgetting all that was. Who was it that said, “When you cannot push forward anymore, you are left with no other choice but to retreat to your past”? Maybe that’s why I’m doing this. I cannot move forward. In my new life, people prevent me from moving onwards. I have little confidence left in me and yet they keep on taking it all away. My PIO2 family wouldn’t do that, save for Sauron. I wish could go back.

I miss my 2004 life badly.

Pangalawang Panaginip

Mamaya, iiyak na naman ako. Pag iniwan ko na ang mundong marami akong kausap at maraming pinoproblema. Pag nag-iisa na ako, ikaw na lang ang iisipin ko.

Dumilim ang tingin ko sa mundo nang marinig kong binaggit mo ang pangalan niya.  Isang sugat na naman to sa pagkatao ko, sa puso ko. Ni ayaw ko na namang marinig ang pangalan mo.

Hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. 

Habang hawak ko ang kamay nya, iniisip kong ikaw sya, pero walang epekto kasi iba ka. Nakakatawang isiping Ikaw pa rin yung gusto ko. Sa napakaraming pagkakataong may iba akong kasama, bakit hindi ko maiwasang  ikumpara ka sa kanila? Bakit ikaw pa rin yung hinihintay ko kahit alam kong hindi ikaw yung darating?

Kanina, tinanong mo kung kumusta ako, siguro dahil nakunsenya ka.

Siguro dahil naisip mong dapat kasi ikaw na lang yung nanatili sa tabi ko.  Pero mas pinili mo kasi siya. Kaya heto, isa na naman akong bulaklak na lilingunin mo na lang pag kailangan, at kalilimutan pag hindi. Pero sabi ko nga, sanay na ako sa iyo.

Sa kabila ng lahat, hihintayin pa rin kita….katulad ng dati..mananatili akong nananaginip hanggang maubos ang luha ko. Iiyak ko na lang lahat ng sama ng loob. Tatalikuran ang sakit, kakalimutan na rin siguro kita… sana lang ngayon, kaya ko na. Sana………………